I'm jealous of your bromance
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize