I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize