I looked at my own cervix.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
