Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
