You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
