My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
