take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize