the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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