Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize