CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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