Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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