ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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