drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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