go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize