She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
