What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
