Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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