guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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