Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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