I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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