saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize