Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
