lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
