If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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