you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize