sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Pants are for mortals
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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