i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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