Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
