worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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