I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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