I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
