my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
