you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
