I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
