my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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