after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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