Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
