It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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