butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
