There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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