Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
