When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
