Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
