So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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