theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
