Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You are a genius and a whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
