i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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