theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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