That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize