There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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