you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need moral support for this bender
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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