well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
