forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
