I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
