Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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