I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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