My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
