Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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