I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize