Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fuck appropriateness.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
