so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
