my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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