you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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