The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
