Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm having to shit out rocks
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