im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
