In the future we'll all be gay
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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