Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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