Sober January is a disaster.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
