i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
