somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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