So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
