great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize