And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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