If you die in college, do you die in real life?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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