planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize