So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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