i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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