Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
