I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
