In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
