i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
