Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
