4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
