I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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