how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
