im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
