Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
