In the future we'll all be gay
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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